Everywhere

Title: Everywhere

Date: July 10, 2025

Preview Blurb:

The day we found out Eric needed a kidney transplant, my mind went everywhere—past, present, future. This is our first journal entry as we share our story, our fears, and our hope for what’s ahead.

Eric is in need of a kidney transplant.

It was a bomb dropped on our reality. Eric’s health has not been good for the past few years, ever since his sepsis caused by the aftermath of Hurricane Ida. He was hospitalized for over a month—at least, I think. He’s been in and out of the hospital so many times that I’ve honestly lost track of what came first and which stay was for which cause. But the sepsis was the turning point, point of no return—everything went downhill from there.

We were no strangers to hospitals, especially with Eric. If there were such a thing as a frequent flyer program for hospital visits, we’d probably have earned enough points to take some fantasy vacations. Fantasy, because we can’t travel anymore—his health doesn’t allow it.

The title of this post is “Everywhere,” because that’s exactly where my mind went—everywhere. The moment we got the news, my thoughts and heart scattered in all directions. I imagine Eric’s did too. My brain raced through time: the past, the present, and especially the future. What will the future hold? Will Eric still be in it?

And then I thought of our daughter. She’s only 13. Will he get to walk her down the aisle someday? What will her life be like growing up without him?

Then I thought of our son. He’s 18. I think he’ll be okay—he’s a mature kid. But he’s still a kid, even if the law considers him an adult. I find myself thinking I could lean on him, but he’s my son. Why should I be depending on him?   That thought brings on guilt. I am the mom.  Emotionally, I’m everywhere.  

I’m scared. I’m sad. I’m trying to stay positive. I try to calm myself down—to find my center. I push the negative thoughts and emotions out the window the only way I know how: I cry, privately.  Most of the time.  There were a few times, I couldn’t find a place in time to be alone, the tears just ran without control when I was working at school.  That few times, a few colleagues saw me.  Then, slowly, I make room for strength, for positive energy, for hope. I know I need to be strong—for Eric, for our kids, for our family, for everyone who loves us. Moping around won’t help. My mind races, my thoughts swirl. I was everywhere. I am everywhere and I found my center, my ground again.  Hopefully enough strength to be the rock for my family.  

Eric’s brother had a kidney transplant ten years ago. His best friend was a perfect match and donated. So, kidney transplants aren’t unheard of in our family. But when it finally knocked on our own door, it was still earth-shattering.

This is our first entry on the website. I’ll be using this space to share updates about Eric’s health, our journey, and everything we’re going through. Right now, we’re planning what tomorrow needs to look like—for Eric, for the kids, for family and friends who want to help in the search for a matching kidney donor. And that alone—that we get to have a tomorrow and plan for it—is what keeps us moving forward. Even when our minds and hearts take detours, we come back to center, ready to keep going.